Yes, I smoke a 1955 Peterson #312 Billiard Shape. It’s a lovely pipe with a clean draw and a classic barrel. This is the best way to write advertisements for any products made of leather or suede. Don’t ask me why. It’s best practice in the freelance advertising copywriter community in San Francisco.

No, I have never lost my temper nor hurled anything at anyone for uttering such a blasphemous phrase. But I have hurled disrespectful utterances under my breath and I did have to look up how to spell “blasphemous.”

This is true. I do not spell very well at all. You’d think a successful freelance copywriter working in San francisco would be able to spell with the best of them. But then, there is no relationship between being a writer and being a speller. If you look up the winners of the past 50 California spelling bees, you’ll note that none of them are in the advertising business nor have any of them written a book, magazine article, pamphlet or fortune cookie. True statement.

Yes, this is true, I am ranked on the first page of Google as one of the top copywriters in San Francisco. Sometimes I slip to number 12-15 and fall to the second page. But after I return from the deep depression this algorythmic nightmare causes, I drive down to Google and talk to the algorythem makers and demand they put me back on the first page. As security escorts me from the building I am reminded that staying busy, working for great clients and keeping my website updated is a better course of action.