I play pickleball a lot of mornings now, so another good way to contact me is to come by the courts and yell at me during any back swing. This tends to get my attention and I will definitely respond to you immediately. Other good ways of contacting me include: casually saying hello while I’m comparing breakfast cereals at the grocery store, holding your phone so it reflects the sun into my eyes while I’m driving, or post on Next Door about how dangerous kids are these days with their electric scooters. I respond to those posts all the time.

The Russian bathhouse Archimedes Banya on Innes St in San Franciso

The cheese section of Trader Joes - I prefer the softer sheep’s milk varieties with a crusty baguette

Hiking the John Muir Trail near Plute Creek Crossing

Jersey Mikes

United Airlines Flight 2437 from Sacramento to Chicago

Wrapped in gauze in the trunk of a 1997 Buick Regal

Napping in my garage on those old carpet samples we never threw away because, hey, you never know when you’ll need ‘em!

Nordstrom 3rd floor, Housewares

The AutoZone in San Jacinto California - they have free coffee and it’s really good. This guy Dale grinds his own beans and brings in heavy cream.

Any record store with a surly old man at the register who seems like he’d be judgemental of my purchases but isn’t.

Hello

How did you find me?

No, I’m not running from anyone. Do I sound defensive? Sorry.

Yes, I’m available.

Between $1,000 and $2,000 a day depending on the project.

Well it depends on a lot of things like how long the project is, who the client is, does the product hurt or maim people, are you a nice person or a mean person, stuff like that.

I’m sorry, my dog is barking at something…”Mort! Quiet please!”

Yes, I do say please to my dog. Those issues are still to be worked out.

I work with a number of different designers and art directors.

Sure, I’m happy to introduce you to every one not currently wearing an ankle monitor.

Yes, I am just kidding.

My scripts are usually funnier than that, yes.